i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
