absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
