her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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