nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
