I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Randomize
