Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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