There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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