I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
