I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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