see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
