Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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