I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Randomize
