pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
