New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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