Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
