I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
