a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
