I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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