I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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