I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
