Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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