Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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