Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
