I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
