I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
