i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
