I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
