so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize