I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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