You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
