The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
