I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
