your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
are you so shy because you have an std?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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