I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
