yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
