i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
