what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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