Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Soap is not a condiment
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
