Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize