I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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