i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
