just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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