i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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