I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
