another moral hangover. fuck.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
