I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
