he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
