FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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