So drunk, too bad you don't want this
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
