Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
