shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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