Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
why does every cop we meet know your name?
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