fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
