I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
