this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
