Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
