Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
