don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
