All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
