if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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