went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
two words: eviction party
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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