I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Boobs speak an international language.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
