Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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