I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
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