I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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