Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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