I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
