But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
