You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
