Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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