thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Randomize
