She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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