You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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