Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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