the condom got lost in my hair
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
