If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
