why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I feel like death gave me a hand job
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
