youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
