He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
