It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
