defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
