Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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