i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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