We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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