I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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