the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
