omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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