He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize