you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is Oprah even human
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
