You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
