3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
