At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
