Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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