White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
i out mim tonsoeep
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
