my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
