careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize