I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
