This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize