I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
