I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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