I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
