1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
