It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
