I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
